Tuesday 29th July, 2014
Dear Future Self,
I’m currently on the dividing line between teenager-ness and adult-ness. At nineteen, I think that I am very independent, but I still do need my parents. To be honest, Future Self, you are probably wondering why I have even decided to do this, when I barely ever see something through. But, I want myself to know how I was, at this moment, in 2014.
How are you doing? I can’t even imagine where you’ll be in three, five or even ten years’ time. What have you chosen to do with your life? How well did you graduate at university? I hope you’ve done something spontaneous and fun at some point – I tend to stick to what I know, like the hermits our family are considered to be. If I had enough money, I’d like to think that I’ve gone on a road trip across the United States. For that dream to happen, I’d have to have learnt how to drive a car at some point (it doesn’t seem like that’ll happen for a while yet).
I am entering the second year of my degree soon-ish, I am terrified of applying to 2015 summer internships (it’s all so much effort, those aptitude tests especially), and I am continuously stuck somewhere between laziness and more laziness. At the moment, the exercise thing is going okay. Occasionally, I flex my arms up in front of the mirror to measure up my meagre biceps. I stare at myself far too much in the mirror, spend quite a lot of time on this laptop in bed, and watch far too much Netflix (seriously, it’s become an issue, that last one).
I am worried that I am not enough of a person in many ways. Am I creative? My video making career was pretty shortlived (I watch far too much YouTube as well) and I suppose that blogging is really my major creative outlet. I am worried that I don’t have a passion to define me. Should I start playing the oboe again? It’s been sitting in that tall cupboard for nearly eighteen months now. There’s that damn blue guitar I bought in Year 9, because all my friends were buying them, that I still haven’t really even touched for more than a couple hours. I get tired of things easily, I procrastinate a lot, and doubt myself at every turn. In my deepest self, I want to become so super passionate about something that it makes me happy, regardless of what my academic or professional (hopefully!) throws at me. Can I make that happen?
There are so many things that make me sad in this world at the moment. The children crying out in Palestine, Syria and the Ukraine. The violence in the world. My need to help one of my closest friends overcome her depression. I hope that I will be a good person, especially to my parents and my brother. They say that trying to change what’s around you is the first step to making a difference in the world.
This letter was filled with a great deal of worry. Don’t worry about me, that’s just where I am right now. I’m sure I’ll turn out great. I said something the other day, to the effect of: If they don’t want me, they don’t deserve me. That’s pretty good advice for myself at any age, I think, and it shall apply to careers, relationships, and everywhere in between. Now, just make like a peacock and strut!
Hoping that the future has Potter-esque apparition and hovercars,